There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
