Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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