my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
