Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
me + whiskey = a bad person
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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