it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
