Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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