I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
