dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize