my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
