you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
