Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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