i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
