Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
