she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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