i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
