All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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