I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
