Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
