it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
