I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
