ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
