I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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