Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Fuck appropriateness.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
