I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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