Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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