I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
