I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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