Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
