I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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