but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
