Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
