I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
