ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
