I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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