Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
