i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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