so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
