Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
