I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
