I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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