it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
