in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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