Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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