I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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