im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
