If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
