life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
