Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
