im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
