9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
