Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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