Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
