"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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