I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
