youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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