So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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