I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize