She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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