dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
