Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
