I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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