I will die if light touches me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
