I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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