you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
