i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
