Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
