I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
