Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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