tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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