Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
