In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
