We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
