Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
