Im at strip club and am horny
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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