There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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