I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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