I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
