she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
