i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
