Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
