Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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